Nathan is deathly ill, Ed is still MIA and James is still stuck at work(?), so Jesse and Dylan Condon of Dylan Does Talk hold down the fort this week. Jesse goes to Texas, we stumble into the 9/11 anniversary, the goddamn North Koreans launched another missile that’s fitting into an ongoing late Thursday afternoon pattern, Martin Shkreli is sitting in city jail in Brooklyn, and Jesse is excited for fall television. Twin Peaks is over (NO SPOILERS!), Curb Your Enthusiasm is coming back, BoJack Horseman’s fourth season is kicking Jesse in the nuts and South Park has returned! The newer Marvel stuff on Netflix sucks. Jesse loves Children of Men. Dylan hasn’t seen it because all he watches are How I Met Your Mother reruns. Phillip Rivers is a crybaby and Jesse loves That’s Good Broncos and Brandon Perna. Jesse tried to get him as a caller and he was down but Jesse had zero confidence in the phone system and decided not to follow up. Where’s Ed? Where’s JAMES? Jesse is employed again. Hurricane update! The Cuban Revolution fought off Irma! Pizza Hut called their workers in and threatened to fire people fleeing the storm. Also, everything is on fire. Trump thinks 100 people getting killed is not that many. Jesse keeps getting 12-hour bans on Twitter and clarifies what kind of idiot crap you can say on the internet without getting the Secret Service called. Jesse doesn’t get YouTube stars like PewdiePie but he likes h3h3.
Jesse, Nathan, and Dylan got in early to make sure there were less technical hiccups than last week. They’ve also been pretty lazy about uploading stuff on time… Ed is a mystery, we still miss James. Jesse encourages Dylan to take more risks. If you don’t have kids or get married, you can do whatever you want. Batman didn’t even hit his stride until 30s. Dylan doesn’t know who Charles Bukowski is and Jesse vows to bring him some books. The studio smells like a predatory fraternity house and Jesse hates it. Nathan gives an update on his people in Houston hit by Hurricane Harvey. Jesse identifies an insurance scam by housing developers. The gang hears from Ed and they remain skeptical. Jesse is pro-Juggalo. Struggalo Circus! Game of Thrones is over for the year and Jesse thinks the writing has gone south. However, Jesse returns to his favorite topic of television: Twin Peaks! Season/series finale coming up and Jesse is amped. Lord of the Flies with LADIES is happening and Jesse thinks the controversy behind it is crap. Jesse is growing his hair back out and today has a Clark Kent curl on accident. A lighthearted discussion about the death penalty and Nevada’s plan to kill death row inmates with fentanyl. Bernie Madoff was like two steps away from being a folk hero. Jesse is going to Austin, so there’s no show on the 7th, but they’ll be back on the 14th.
Jesse keeps watching The Dark Knight despite only trying to watch the first ten minutes on a regularly routine basis. Hurricane Harvey is preparing to hit southeast Texas, and Nathan is from Houston so we get his input. No Ed, who almost fell asleep last week, and no James who we all miss so much. The show retires the term “throwing shade” because it is for old white ladies now. Nathan provides his own voice for his soundboard because he’s still trying to figure out the new studio software. New ramp music gives Jesse the opportunity to showcase his impression of Eddie Vedder, both as a rock vocalist and an interview subject. Sports break! Jesse’s Yankees BRAWLED with the Detroit Tigers like five times and he goes into a blow-by-blow. Jesse, Dylan and Nathan are all convinced the school is scheduling tours around being able to pop into J&F. Jesse is pulling for Connor McGregor but he’s not “betting confident” about the fight. East High School cheercamp turns out to be kind of a torture chamber. For as much as Jesse is behind Colin Kaepernick, he can’t boycott the NFL because he’s addicted to gambling on it. ED CAMPBELL WANTS TO FIGHT MIGUEL CABRERA!
Jesse, Nathan, and Dylan discuss the events in Charlottesville, VA, where one person was killed and dozens were hurt after clashes between white supremacists and antifascists. This hits kind of close to home for Jesse and he’s pretty fired up and actually tries to not make a lot of jokes but he still makes some and they still play Aunt Esther promos during the commercials. Donald Trump is a Nazi.
The gang’s all here! Except Ed who shows up halfway through again. Jesse is in a suit like a bank robber because James and him were out on a job interview. Some guy is trying to impregnate someone during the upcoming eclipse. The guys go into Taylor Swift’s local trial and someone rushing a Britney Spears concert in Las Vegas, and how illegal “dabbing” is in Saudi Arabia. Millennials are still killing fast-casual eateries, but the kids behind us boil each other alive and rob and kill the homeless for money so it’s not all bad. Walmart wants you to take a gun back to school, and dying in an abandoned elevator shaft would just be the absolute worst.
J&F is back all graduate-style and Ed is running late again, so Nathan talks about Guns ‘N’ Roses that he went to last night, update the weather, and then talk about Donald Trump’s No Good, Horrible, Terrible, Very Bad Day and what that might mean for the North Koreans. Then, Ed shows up about a half hour into the show for Jesse, Nathan, and Ed to talk preseason football until Jesse starts snoring because sports radio is painfully boring. Super Troopers 2 is finished with post-production but most comedy sequels suck so there’s cautious trepidation among the J&F crew. Revenge of the Nerds was kind of rapey. That lady that texted her boyfriend to death got 15 months in prison and the fellas go off on a bit of a tangent about suicide. Again.
J&F is back and so is Dylan Condon! He hasn’t seen Red Dawn and Jesse and Nathan beat him up for I don’t know maybe ten minutes. Jesse revisits maybe his favorite ax to grind and confronts, bravely, how badly Denver sucks now and how terrible traffic is and how he should just move to New York because of how expensive everything is. This is the last “student” show before Jesse & Friends turns into a “Graduate Legacy Show.” Our time slot and host will not be changing. A bunch of people got hurt and even a guy got killed at the Ohio State Fair and Jesse reads it pretty good. The entire group extols the Carny lifestyle and pokes at its modern feasibility. The old he’s an asshole look at her a-hole radio censorship bit. Trump, our amateur president, is continuing to drive the country into the ground and has banned trans people from the military. Jesse warns people not sympathetic to the Trump administration to not lionize ousted people who worked for him and to beware of corporate media and Democratic party elements trying to fund raise on what a douche-bag he is. Jesse also voted for Doug Stanhope in 2016. The FBI and anyone who lead them is probably a HUGE piece of crap that is responsible for the violently murdered corpses of small children. Nathan is from Texas and he fills us in on the red state vibe. He’s so handsome. I love him. He’s so nice. What would it be like to live in his hair?
OJ GOT PAROLE HOLY CRAP. LINKIN PARK HUNG HIMSELF. JOHNNY DEPP IS OUT OF MONEY? JESSE & FRIENDS WILL CONTINUE AS A GRADUATE PROGRAM WITH GOMILEHIGH.COM STARTING AFTER TWO WEEKS. MORE INSENSITIVE HOT TAKES FROM COMPLETE MORONS. 100 YEARS. 100 YEARS JESSE & FRIENDS. JESSEANDFRIENDS.WORDPRESS.COM. WATCH TWIN PEAKS YOU PLEBEIAN. CALL IN NEXT WEEK AND JESSE WILL SLEEP WITH YOU FOR NO ADDITIONAL FAVORS.
Just two minutes late this week! Jesse has had a hell of a week and tells a story about racial tension on his bus this afternoon. We brought in two newly enrolled students to hang with us and boy did we have a whole ton of fun. Another military veteran, we learn that they let black folks into the Air Force under certain circumstances. Kid Rock is running for the senate. The world is getting closer and closer to Idiocracy and it’s definitely cause for concern. The Rock is considering a run for president in 2020. The fellas look at the silver lining of dumbing down the world. Maywhether/McGregor gets discussed. Being illiterate is a horrid thing to be in America. Jesse wrapped up a vaccine study today and he’s kind of woozy. Bemoaning hospital firewalls in an age of donating body fluids, Jesse gets kind of depressed.
The gang is back after taking last week kind of off sort of but not really, and even working man James made it in. Breckenridge is burning and the fellas are… less than sympathetic. They’re going to retry serial rapist Bill Cosby in the fall. The guys weigh snortable chocolate. Will That 70’s Show lead to That 90’s Show? Danny Masterson is allegedly raping people with his thetans. Friends wasn’t that bad, but Ross was a sexual predator. Jesse loves Elaine from Seinfeld. Curb Your Enthusiasm is coming back in the fall!