Jesse & Friends Episode #22 – CRAWLING IN MY SKIN

OJ GOT PAROLE HOLY CRAP. LINKIN PARK HUNG HIMSELF. JOHNNY DEPP IS OUT OF MONEY? JESSE & FRIENDS WILL CONTINUE AS A GRADUATE PROGRAM WITH GOMILEHIGH.COM STARTING AFTER TWO WEEKS. MORE INSENSITIVE HOT TAKES FROM COMPLETE MORONS. 100 YEARS. 100 YEARS JESSE & FRIENDS. JESSEANDFRIENDS.WORDPRESS.COM. WATCH TWIN PEAKS YOU PLEBEIAN. CALL IN NEXT WEEK AND JESSE WILL SLEEP WITH YOU FOR NO ADDITIONAL FAVORS.

Jesse & Friends Episode #21 – Almost Race War on The City Bus (7/13/17 Show)

Just two minutes late this week! Jesse has had a hell of a week and tells a story about racial tension on his bus this afternoon. We brought in two newly enrolled students to hang with us and boy did we have a whole ton of fun. Another military veteran, we learn that they let black folks into the Air Force under certain circumstances. Kid Rock is running for the senate.  The world is getting closer and closer to Idiocracy and it’s definitely cause for concern. The Rock is considering a run for president in 2020. The fellas look at the silver lining of dumbing down the world. Maywhether/McGregor gets discussed. Being illiterate is a horrid thing to be in America. Jesse wrapped up a vaccine study today and he’s kind of woozy. Bemoaning hospital firewalls in an age of donating body fluids, Jesse gets kind of depressed.

Jesse & Friends Episode #20 – Breck is Burning (7/6/17 Show)

The gang is back after taking last week kind of off sort of but not really, and even working man James made it in. Breckenridge is burning and the fellas are… less than sympathetic.  They’re going to retry serial rapist Bill Cosby in the fall. The guys weigh snortable chocolate. Will That 70’s Show lead to That 90’s Show? Danny Masterson is allegedly raping people with his thetans. Friends wasn’t that bad, but Ross was a sexual predator. Jesse loves Elaine from Seinfeld. Curb Your Enthusiasm is coming back in the fall!

Jesse & Friends Episode #19 – “We’re Going to Get Jesse on Team Trump” -POTUS

James is at work, and Ed and Jesse are running four and a half minutes late due to a possible hobo stabbing so Nathan kills time talking about the water park he went to in Houston during his homestand. The fellas have to make a music video for school and its a bit of a slog. Enough so that disappearing to Alaska is becoming appealing. But, a story about a bear murdering a teenager with same last name as Jesse kind of does some dissuading. The desert seems like a better bet? Maybe? They play Jame’s intro for last week’s show that didn’t happen and everyone misses James. Ed brings new meaning to the scale of two miles with the news that a Canadian sniper shot an ISIS militant in Iraq from more than two miles away. The boys talk about quantifying the difficulty of murdering other people based on era and technological limitation. The health care bill, seemingly dead in the water, is discussed unfavorably. People in wheelchairs posted up outside Mitch McConnel’s office in protest today before being carried (and dropped) by Capitol police. Jesse thinks congressional baseball practice is probably not the last thing to be so “rudely interrupted.” Bill Cosby is doing a traveling show about the dangers of sexual assault allegations and everyone is summarily shocked. Jesse barely even does the impression he’s so irritated. President of the United States Donald J. Trump calls in to take Jesse to task over his criticism of the Republican health care effort but has to leave for supper with the Saudis. A Dean at Yale was fired after making bad Yelp reviews comparing clientele in restaurants to “white trash” and Jesse hopes she gets hit by a bus.

Jesse & Friends Episode #18 – “What Up, Miami, I Want to Molest Your Senator”

SPORTS TALK?! What about James Comey, guys? Get the hell out of here! We’ll get to it. Hockey tonight, Nashville is really excited about their team and Jesse likes it because Nashville now has a sport. Jerry Seinfeld won’t hug Kesha. Steve Harvey’s show got stolen and nobody downloaded it. Ed is an old lady. Jesse continues to delay #ComeyDay talk. Bill Cosby is on trial. Jesse does the impression he initially retired because Cosby rapes people but has brought back as a “Cosby Rapist Character.” It’s probably a little loud and a tad on the nose. Comey’s testimony is brought up. Trump’s base has too many guns and is too protective and supportive of him for an impeachment process to move at a satisfying pace. John McCain had a stroke? Stayed up too late watching baseball? The fellas learn about the age range of the American Senate. Marco Rubio looks… molestable? Jesse “hopes” that terrible things happen to Rubio and Ted Cruz. Primary season is chaos. Nathan’s microphone is not working. Saudi Arabia hates a lady in an above ground pool so much they photoshopped a beach ball over her. The guys talk about where they don’t want to go, a “F*** It List” if you will.  Nobody wants to go to India or most of Africa. Nathan thought he fixed his microphone but it didn’t work. Wonder Woman is supposed to be real good. The Mummy with Tom Cruise is supposed to suck even though Tom Cruise made everyone throw up a thousand times filming his zero-G airplane stunt. Universal is trying to make old-school monsters a film universe. Leave the work of Alan Moore alone!

Jesse & Friends Episode #17 – What? Did a Wasp Get in Your Vagina?

(Most) of the original crew is here today, a bit nostalgic about old introductions and an old crew mate, and we’re short a fifth mouth. Jesse is afraid of a still dearly departed Dylan going postal after a series of photoshops and fake radio station shenanigans during the J&F Squad’s #ShowWar Campaign against his show. James was listed 6th on a hit list. School shooters are discussed, including the details of the “High Score” shooting at Virginia Tech. Ed swears. Twice. Again. Because of a fat guy walking across the street. He’s not even trying at broadcasting school. A tanker exploded near where basically everyone in Denver radio works and shut down the entire town. Traffic in Denver has become completely untenable. When you screw up the transportation infrastructure this badly you don’t get to be the mayor of your SimCity anymore. Robot cars are coming, but James is pretty skeptical. Jesse is totally gay for Elon Musk and wants a jingle for it but is starting to hear a lot of complaints from his workers and Jesse LOVES workers the most. The whole world should either kill themselves or start offing the rich like it’s The Purge. Everyone starts doing Rick Sanchez impressions. Jesse and Ed ran like hell to go pee. Shi-Fawn joins in for the end of the show, and she’s asked about a new holistic treatment involving putting a wasp’s nests in vaginas for “tightening.” Doctors are recommending against it. The last video store in Denver, Videotique, is closing up and selling its stock this Saturday. Watch Twin Peaks! Nathan loves living in a gay neighborhood. Denver is basically turning into a vanilla beige condo hellhole.

Here’s the photoshops that stirred a killer: