Ronald Reagan invented AIDS and crack to destroy the black community and kill gay people. It’s almost Memorial Day so Jesse cedes the floor to Cindy from the Not Normal Network, James and Ed to tell some military stories. Cindy had to scale a wall after a party, James had to build one, and Ed had to clean a hanger. Jesse is not impressed so they move on to hazing stories. It’s Jesse’s birthday and everyone sings the birthday song. Cindy says Dylan smells and then her and Jesse share a private joke about Friends without the rest of the cast noticing. Tentative Memorial Day plans include a KY Slip ‘n’ Slide and using rifle lubricant as a sexual aide. US Service People aren’t allowed to go into Okinawa, Japan anymore because they just couldn’t stop raping the locals. Cindy threatens Jesse with birthday rape in the parking garage. There’s a lot of really, really close calls to the swear jar.
J&F is back again! Dylan has still not returned and so we found a commercial he made rapping about Philly Cheesesteaks to the Fresh Prince theme song and oh boy is it worth a shoehorning laugh or two. Fat Pig Man Roger Ailes fell down and died, but Chris Cornell killed himself too so that’s sad. A guy ran over some people in Times Square, the definition of terrorism is discussed. Gas station nacho cheese is paralyzing people in Central California. A guy and his son stage a fake bombing at a local prep school as “a prank” and now they’re being brought up on terrorism charges. LA Rams and LA Chargers are having stadium trouble. Season tickets for the Broncos are being revamped… We hope. The Raiders and the violent implications of going for football weekends in Vegas are debated and the crew decides to turn into American Football Bronco Hooligans. Tom Brady and the Madden Cover Curse. James and Jesse talk like Mark Wahlberg.
Dylan quit. Or did he? Doesn’t matter: made more Dylan Free Zone production.. Ed’s been crippled by his old man spine. Jesse, James, Nathan, and B-Squad Melinda, and Chris all soldier on, yelling about a cheap hamlet in Italy, solar roofs, and Jehovah’s Witnesses. It’s probably the strongest, most laughs-per-minute show in a month.
The fellas are back after Jesse’s brief jaunt to New York City, and it’s Star Wars day so they talk about Star Wars. Speculative debate surrounding the identity of Supreme Leader Snoke. It’s not Mace Windu. Avatar was stupid and it’s taking too long for new movies to convince anyone else otherwise. The new Star Wars attractions at Disneyworld are probably going to be pretty sick. Kylo Ren is a babe and you should stab your dad like a real goth kid would. Obi Wan Kenobi: date rapist?
Oh Christ it’s 4/20 in Denver so we are legally obligated to talk about weed. It’s Lima Bean Respect Day! Dylan makes a morally reprehensible faux pas for the third week in a row. The rally probably got rained out, and everyone is pretty sure the whole thing will devolve to violence and juggalo crime like it does every year. Minnesota cops set stoner traps. Most people want to legalize weed. Even the government is going to study whether it can help veterans with PTSD. LSD, Shrooms, and Ecstasy are indeed leading us to a higher consciousness. Weed use to be a lot more difficult to buy. Bates Motel is shifty, but watchable.
Jesse hurt his back and everyone is having trouble doing jokes with impending nuclear war. Check out Jesse and Jame’s new podcast for the Not Normal Network F*** Yeah, Buddy right here. Ed went to California and watched the cops raid a house. A guy in Civic Center Park set himself on fire while the cops were trying to arrest him. Enough people have jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge that they had to install a net. There’s a lot of sharks in there. Some idiot teenager on Instagram shot himself in the face messing around with a firearm and there isn’t a lot of sympathy. Nobody cares about dentists killing themselves and people cover up for cops killing themselves. People go urinate and the Handsome Producer Nathan Audio Contest has BEGUN. Make a song or audio piece about Nathan for a cash prize. Hit us up on Twitter for details on how to enter.
Bunch of idiots keep dying in Colorado! VooDoo Donuts killed a guy, some fella falls through the duct work at the Pueblo fairgrounds, a lady almost got killed by a boulder in Golden and tons of idiots have been killed skiing. Dylan is back, and him and Ed have been working together at Jimmy John’s. It’s going poorly. Rick & Morty is back and Jesse has to restrain himself from talking about all of his theories and then has to shut Ed up about it again. New “IT” movie is coming out and the fellas are nonplussed, but there is some concern about the evaporating clown industry. Drunk Lives Matter and we learn a harrowing story of sweet producer Nathan and how he almost was killed in a DUI accident. Trans-Siberian Orhestra guy died so the boys talk about fat moms who might be sad about that. Michael Bay wants to make 14 Transformers movies and nobody is happy about it except maybe the Chinese. Honey Boo Boo’s mom cleaned up and everyone is having conflicting feelings, but unanimously decided the Queen of Jesse & Friends is Casey Anthony. Melinda was listening to the show on the way in and brought Ed donuts to challenge his dismissal of the death earlier this week. A story about a girl living with monkeys in India leads Dylan to end his radio career in disgrace. Ed absolutely fails eating the donuts.